Throwing Stones - Accountability and Judgment Awareness

There has been an incredible amount of scrutiny of individuals in the public eye these last few weeks. Social media has been a flurry of opinions regarding many individuals that are unfortunate enough to be in the spotlight. I say unfortunate because I cannot imagine what it would be like to have everyone watching your every move and being unable to have peace and privacy. Doing what you love does not mean you asked to be put on a pedestal where everyone has different expectations that require you to be perfect--a feat no person is capable, even the Dahli Lama.

The Rise of Exploitation - Oh you didn't realize that's what you were doing?

There exists an unsettling trend in society where individuals exploit the decisions of others for their own amusement. The digital age has amplified this behavior, providing a platform for public scrutiny and ridicule at the expense of someone else's choices. The lines between critique and mockery blur, and accountability becomes a tool for humiliation rather than growth. Let's explore the recent events unfolding in the music scene:

• Linkin Park announces new singer

• Dave Grohl announces new daughter

We break it down that simply it doesn't sound bad, does it? But then we pull up the "dirt." The new singer has ties to Scientology and once befriended a convicted sex offender.

Dave's new child is not from his marriage, which means he has admitted to infidelity.

So now the world is mocking both situations, telling these individuals they have done wrong. Now let me ask you, have you never befriended someone that you later wish you hadn't? Have you never supported someone that did something wrong? Have you yourself done NOTHING wrong? It's easy to hide our own imperfections when we are not so widely known and accessible to criticism like these individuals that WE put on a pedestal. Perhaps we simply like the idea of building someone up in order to tear them down, so we feel better about ourselves? You don't like to think that's what you're doing when you engage in these behaviours, but is it possible?

The Dichotomy of Forgiveness - Why do we ask for it for ourselves but struggle to give it to others?

A peculiar aspect of human nature is the reluctance to grant others the forgiveness that we seek for ourselves. When faced with criticism or judgment, we often yearn for understanding and a chance to explain our intentions. Yet, when the tables turn, empathy gives way to condemnation, and the cycle of blame perpetuates.

Keyboard warriors are made of people that feel powerful in the anonymity of a digital world. Behind our computer screens we can be perfect and never do a single thing wrong. We condemn those that do, and swiftly stand behind mental health awareness when we ourselves are caught with imperfections. The number of "mental health advocates" I see continuously recite Robin Williams' infamous "everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Be kind." line is quite large. And that would be great if everyone lived by the philosophies they preach. How many people post this quote and turn around and criticize others for making a decision or saying something that is directly tied to their battle that we cannot see?

Do we all believe that Robin Williams was perfect and had no flaws? If you do, you are in denial. People that die by suicide are often criticized for being "selfish." Is that a flaw of his? Perhaps. But is it up to us to judge?

Judgment and Mental Health

It is crucial to acknowledge that the act of judging others can have detrimental effects on mental health. The constant fear of scrutiny and the burden of perfection weigh heavily on individuals, leading to anxiety, depression, and a sense of inadequacy. In a world where accountability is weaponized, the casualties are not just reputations but also the well-being of individuals.

When have you ever appreciated someone telling you how terrible your decision was and that you need to change? It doesn't feel good. Does it make you want to be better? Do you prefer when people have empathy for you rather than being critical?

A scary statistic is the rise in cyber bullying leading to suicides. Expressing opinions doesn't have to mean we attack a person's character. One of my favorite quotes comes from a video game, Okami. The line essentially states that we can dislike the offense, and still accept the offender. An action does not necessarily mean the person performing it is bad. People make choices. At the end of the day, only the choices we make are ours to manage. Yes, that includes our choice on how we respond to the decisions of others that affect us.

The Professional Lens

I'm not saying discussion and opinions are wrong, nor am I saying that every action is acceptable. It's all an important part of personal growth. What I am saying is that our personal beliefs are not those of anyone but ourselves. Those that complain that religion negatively influences the beliefs and treatment of others should be aware of their own beliefs and treatment of others. As a counsellor, the best thing I offer clients is a judgment-free safe space. People don't need to know how bad they are. They need to know that they are human. The fear people have when they tell me their stories disappear when they realize that their past is part of their story, not their whole story. We can change the dialogue if we move forward. No one wants to be stuck with the person they were when they didn't like the choices they made, but it's hard to get unstuck when the people around you keep you there.

The Privilege of Accountability and Awareness

The mental health world has been shrouded in shame for so long that breaking silence has been challenging. Every situation can be seen the same way. Shame for our actions leads us to a loss in positive well-being. Rather than striking people down, if we offer them empathy when they have done wrong, and encouragement to be themselves, we have a better chance of receiving the same treatment. Afterall, if you would like to be accepted for who you are rather than told how you should be, who are you to deny the same to others?

In conclusion, when individuals accept their decisions and consequences, it is theirs to work through. Unless we are personally invited to that party, we are not players in that process. If the actions of others upset you, then there is a process of healing you must go through for yourself. Remember, in the journey of accountability, empathy is the compass that guides us towards understanding and acceptance. If you want this for yourselves, maybe try to practice it on others.

On a final note, if your first reaction is to criticize this article rather than putting thought into the message, you may have missed the point.